WELLVILLE, GA – Coca Cola announced a ground breaking plan to help people be less white, by removing all Miracle Whip Jars from Employee Mini Refrigerators.
“We have discovered that people become too white when doing things like eating Miracle Whip and cutting the crusts off their sandwiches,” said a company spokesperson, “the latter was also banned in our businesses.”
When asked if Velveeta was also being removed he said they didn’t want to put white people into total shock.
Other moves have been to institute the mandatory use of Louisiana Hot Sauce.
The Coca Cola CEO, James Quincey, a very white man, is of course immune to the policy.
Makers of Shasta, Colt, and Pepsi were not available to make a statement, and makers of Jolt Cola have were found hung in their office.
On Minds+
