ALBANY, NY – In a statement to the press, Cuomo decided to clear the record after the latest woman came forward, saying “It was horrible, he grabbed and held and kissed me, but worse, the smell of garlic, the greasy skin.”
“I beg to differ,” Cuomo said in his statement, “I may have smelled of dried garlic trapped in the throat, but I was not harassing her.”
He continued stating that his desire in grabbing her was not a kiss but an attempt to share bodily warmth.
“Albany gets very cold,” said Cuomo, “I wanted to keep her warm, I was told it was warmer with my pants down.” Despite not asked or accused about his pants.
Bill Clinton weighed in by calling Cuomo a lightweight, and said that he’d be laughed at in Arkansas. “It’s no bimbo eruption,” said Bill Clinton. He also noted that, as unpleasant it is to have this stuff get out about you, it’s a great distraction from the stuff you don’t want said, like Prisoner Blood Donors and Narcotic Landing Strips, or Cuomo’s case Elderly Deaths.