Bed, Bathhouse, and Beyond, QC – Justin Trudeau, buying a new set of hair products has announced a new purposeless promise. He wants the disadvantaged hair everywhere to have the best cream rinse. He has since promised to start a National Endowment for Hair Products in his “Leave no strand behind” platform. “This is desperate and offensive to people with facial hair,” said Mulcair, “his program will not keep me from wearing last night’s Soup. Elizabeth May said it doesn’t do anything about product tested on Animals. Trudeau responded with, “People have hair.”

*Note this report was set in motion before Trudeau saw the polls and changed his mind, it tested low. In the WTF percentage. A CUPE President said “There goes another billion dollar Government employment program, we are saddened by the news.”