SYDNEYLL, AUS – In a desire to entice the populous to accept and enjoy their stay at the free COVID vacation and detention totally not a concentration camp centre camp, new amenities have been added to encourage the everyday Australian to not esc…abscond with themselves from the facility.
They will get to enjoy sunny beaches, tea and if they go real far a new giant white beach ball that always keeps the crowds.
Prime Minister Scott Morrison said, “There is no way to depart until we are done with you,” he went on, “however we are happy to make sure you have a good time doing as we say.”
It was made clear that they should “enjoy the Sun, and shut up, do as they are told, and if extra spirited enjoy the beach ball.”
BRISBANE, AUS – In a Press Conference for the Australian Media, the Minister of Justice in Australia made absolute certain that no one “believe the unhinged conspiracies regarding their final solution on the COVID threat.”
Rt. Hon. Magnus Greel stood up before the press and stated that in now way “Was the Government funding and sending people into Concentration Camps,” and that “they were send to a location where they can think about how they disappointed their Government.”
He also continued to deny Time Travel and Experiments in Immortality, which no one asked about.
“We must know the enemy, and that enemy are those who would question their Government’s plans, plans that have nothing to do with uniting the Eastern States.”
Magnus later left to China to discuss the future between the two countries. No one knows why they didn’t send the Foreign Affairs Minister.
WAHSYERMONEY, DC – In a bold announcement, the US President and Gerald Ford Impersonator, Joseph Biden, said Monday that, “The United uh yeah, that Country we’re In, will be on thuh, toner standard, my financial experts suggest…” as he points to salt shakers.
They would be white, just saying.
He went on in his speech to say, “Trudy get down from there,” and “your not old enough to be mooing,” “I need changing,” and one pertinent thing, “We’ll have unlimited wealth, as long as the printer has…uh…that…toner stuff.’
Robert Reich chimed in, saying it was a “Stroke of genius, this is why I’m a Democrat, I recommended this every time Bill Clinton asked for my guidance.”
Bill Clinton couldn’t confirm this, allegedly hiding in a bunker due to something called a Maxwell Alert.
Others in agreement to the standard are Justin Trudeau, Emmanuel Macron, and just about everyone else running a country now.
BURBANK, PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF NEWSOM – In a startling moment where Steven Colbert stated, in a clapture monologue, that Rittenhouse may not have broken the law. His assertion being a need to change it also came up, and with a later statement to clear it up, after the show.
He called for a “Bend Over And Take It” law, stating that “all people who aggress against another have a right not to be killed.”
“Who am I to say what a skateboard is for, who is Kyle?,” said Colbert in a post show interview, “It’s not about being right or left wing, it’s about supporting the human predator.”
He goes on saying, “there is a practical reason for making sure only outlaws have guns and that it’s only natural to surrender ourselves, to submit ourselves,” and goes on saying, “hey, I hand over my wallet the moment someone big and black is around me, I just assume I am being mugged, and it’s their right, and the urine stains in my pants are totally unrelated.” “Some people have other values….and personal security guards.”
KILGAY, QATAR – Formula 1 moves on to it’s next phase, toward Arabia. Starting in Qatar, and as usual they bring the #WeRaceAsOne tag, because most people watching F1 in the stands care so much about twitter.
They’re aim is to show how tolerant they are and how they love all races, creeds, and well, sexuality? Ahem…all be it a movement spurred to cover for Hamilton’s “Kevin Hart” situation, it didn’t stop them from going to places like Qatar or Saudi Arabia, or to a lesser extent Russia.
Homosexuality of both genders (Same gender sexual relations) is illegal in Qatar under Act 11 of the Penal Code.
Female and male same-sex relations are prohibited by Articles 281 and 284 respectively. The penalty for engaging in same-sex sexual relations with consenting persons over the age of 16 is seven years imprisonment.
As one can imagine it’s progressive, since in Dubai and Saudi Arabia throw them from a high roof.
At one point, due to South African apartheid was followed by sport with boycotts.
Hamilton himself said, “Yeah they’re one of the worst, but the money!” said the Brit, “We got to be understanding, have a soft touch, like Neville Chamberlain.”
He continued to site that there was at least no cases of anyone refusing a gay wedding cake, not realizing a gay date was illegal.
KENOSHA, WI – In sudden realization that disbarment and so many counts of contempt of court it could be a life sentence, ADA Thomas Binger is seeking a new career.
Being known for chicken wings, he decided to go head first into the finger greasing industry by starting a new chicken wing franchise.
Binger’s Heat Chicken (Wings) will be a unique opportunity, and totally representative of his own nature.
Not only will the wings come in a multitude of flavoring, but also being totally fabricated. Something everyone will expect from him.
Also, made of pure processed and over salted soy.
They plan to open the moment all his eventual disciplinary actions are complete.
It will include MAP friendly ball rooms, named for Rittenhouse Victim, Rosenbaum. The Rosenbaum Memorial Ball Room. For the kids.
O’PARKS, WV – In a stunning revelation, noted Irish/Korean Hybrid Tim Pool, declared the death of Joi “SJ” Harris a Suicide.
“Everyone should know this, you don’t point a motorcycle at a building with glass windows,” he said recalling the event in 2017 at the Vancouver Shaw Tower.
Pool, noted expert on everything regarding professional movie making, mentioned the event on a recent podcast to show off his huge range of knowledge regarding everything from set hierarchy to even legal matters, like “How trustworthy anyone with Gloria Alred as a lawyer must be.”
In the podcast, the main topic was safety on set and who’s to blame.
Know-It-All: Totally Fake, is on daily, covering a range of topics, including the development of culture.
AIRPORTHUB, GA – This wouldn’t be news if most people didn’t realize something was wrong when the voice of Early Culyer suddenly changed radically, Cuyler being the Antagonist in the Antagonist filled show, Squidbillies on Adult Swim, at some point, I don’t know when, I got the PVR on it.
Apparently Unknown Hinsen was fired and replaced by someone who made Bill Murray sound 100% identical to Lorenso Music (Garfield and Friends, The Real Ghost Busters). Why was he fired? Well for uttering a savage offensive joke at the expense of Dolly Parton, using racist words like “Freak titted” and “old southern bimbo.”
Dave Willis of Squidbillies, creator, said, “We have a lot rape jokes, fat jokes, jokes about violating every law in the book,” and goes on “we, however, will not abide by third party screen shots of savage jokes at the expense of a blonde white woman.”
An additional reference was Hinsen aka Stuart Baker, launching a commentary on Leftists unfollowing him. Pointing out that they actually followed him in the first place.
Squidbillies is also known for giving Larry Byrd for the Slam Dunk, labelling it a “Signature White Move,” in a straight man moment by the Sheriff. Mocking the Anti-White movement in Chalky Trouble.
RESORT, CAYMANISLANDS – Today Pfizer announced it’s latest news, at a Medical Ethics Retreat, thrown for all their favorite Medical Professionals and Officials, about COVID 19 Treatments.
Primarily the announcement was regarding a new Season Pass for their MRNA “flagship project.”
“Getting our Season Pass get’s you 4 dollars off each unit for a period of 6 months and your choice of Epic Warrior,” said Pfizer spokesman Antonio Notfauci, “It’s more Jab for your Government’s buck.”
The speech announcing this new marvel of distribution and marketing got a standing ovation from the, or perhaps it was the Caviar, hard to say.
One thing for sure Government’s are drooling over it, with Justin Trudeau trying to cut the line.
RIOTVILLE, WI – In loo of a biopic being made for Netflix about Joseph Rosenbaum, our stringers managed to speak to the experts that are consulting on the project: “Rosenbaum, Man of Children.”
The experts have watched all the old coverage, however got to busy on the biopic to see the livestream trial. Also will remain anonymous for credibility sake.
“We dug deep into the man that hick Rittenhouse murdered in cold blood,” the first one said impartially, the second one interjects, “Rosenbaum is loss to us all.”
The first one continues with some little known facts, “He loved children, he spent hours working with lonely children on roadsides and play grounds,” as the second one adds, “he even gave them candy, after their sessions they were crying with joy.”
Both are working with Netflix and Doucouré Productions.
LAURENTIA, CANADA – The PPC, announced recently to hold a Leadership Review of their Leader Maxime Bernier, announced just before noon of October 8th (2021).
Minor complaints have been comparing the fact that the Reform Party had seats in it’s Second Election bid, and a higher Per-Candidate vote as a benchmark for Populist Parties. That he’s unreasonably rude to the press when they do want him to say something, that they aren’t sure if they are the Libertarian or Conservatarian Party. That there is no position on the funding of abortion clinics. That they are still -1 seats since they began.
Sounds crazy, right?
In true form of his character, in preparation for losing the vote, for a leadership without a term, Maxime Bernier, returned to what works, and announced the founding of a new party. The name is uncertain, we do however have a short list: The Maxime For Life Party, Person’s Party of Canada, Seriously This Isn’t A Communist Name Party, The Nationalist Federalist Confusion Party, Yay! We’re Trying Party, Atheist Heritage Party, The Laurentian Libertarian Party of Canada, The Grass Roots Lead By A Career Politician Party, Free Money For Haiti Party, and The Libertarianish Sorta Nationalist Party.
“As long as no clear philosophy is in the name, we can’t be held to anything,” said Bernier while writing the names down, “As long as I am leader, it will be a Party I can live with.”
Ezra Levant, Owner of Rebel News, was caught by our stringer, who responded, “where ever Max goes, I will follow on my hands and knees, I will suck his dick, what ever my master wants.”
LOSANGELES, CA – When the Mayor, Eric Michael Garcetti, took the podium to explain the proof of vaccination mandate, not to be confused with a vaccination mandate, people were confused.
Los Angeles and San Francisco known for a decade as being the centre of Black Plague outbreaks, Garcetti, stated that it was not a concern people might bring plague to restaurants, in fact that “it was fine, just prove you got an approved vaccine for COVID19.”
The plague wiped out about a two thirds of Europe, back in the day, now I am sure there aren’t any of the other signs of Medieval Europe. No shit in the streets or royal edicts from powerful rulers.
It might be foolish to worry about the Plague or any place that actually still has the plague as a thing.
HENRYCASTLE, BC – “In a royal decree, all ye furs are to be COVID19 Risk,” said Henry from her royal chamber announcing her edict against the Mink Industry.
Edict Includes:
No Mink Shall Be Bred!
All Farming Shall Stop On 2023!
Ye Operation Shall Be Ended On 2025!
Bonnie Henry, the Iron Health Maiden, declared Science to have determined 2 Months to now to be 6 Years long.
This is one in many measures used since she has declared the Capitalism a COVID risk.
Bringing back mask mandates, and bringing in Vaccine Passports to increase Case Numbers.
“My word is law, my word is science,” she said off the Castle Balcony, “No Question, Thou Shall Have!”
I addition to other orders, she had all people with mink oil on their shoes shot to keep people safe.
On “Minds+”: https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1303892939520348175?referrer=TheBlackJester
SANFRACISCO, CA – Many in the SF City Government and even “In And Out Burger” have claimed and repeated the reason for the closure as refusal to follow mandates regarding COVID. However we have sources it went another way.
A source close to the City Government has come forward, a very reliable source, so reliable, to question it makes you a racist.
According to the source San Francisco had it’s own mandate, requiring corporate intersectionality in branding, and that the “Outdated” name was an outrage, and offense to all the homosexual cows that gave their lives to feed it’s customers.
“They want Out Burgers,” said the source close to San Francisco Authorities and totally no made up, requesting to remain anonymous, “the burger joint refused, and suffered a shut down.”
We reached out for comment, however got the wrong number, so we gave up on ever getting an answer.
On “Minds+”: https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1298034656892948489?referrer=TheBlackJester
SKYPALACE, AB – Jason Kenny gathered the press together in a bubble tight crowd at the Sky Palace to announce to the press the capture of a dangerous criminal. Also to offer some free highest quality steaks to people offering positive reports.
“Pawlowski, is now in custody,” said Jason Kenny, “he has been charged with wielding faith with malicious intent and not being a loyal supporter of my Premiership.”
Other charges were standing beside a jet while landed, wearing police handcuffs, and brandishing a Bible without a license.
They might add attempted drowning, regarding a “Baptism” he was holding.
He could spend decades in Prison. While over crowding is an issue, Kenny has gotten Trudeau to approve some Conditional releases of a few more sexual predators,” common policy in Canada, in order to stop our growing non-violent crime problem.
Jason Kenny also announced his intention to reclassify his title as Emperor of Alberta.
CDCSPECIAL HQ AT FT MEADE, MD – The CDC had, last night, stated that there is total 100% total Scientifically Correlated Proof that Licking a Boot is a sure fire way to cure yourself of getting COVID19.
Chief Officer Of The CDC Correlation Dept, Jess Obeigh said, “we have proven, without a doubt, that a daily regiment of licking boot will increase resistance to COVID by 100%,” she continues stating, “It is very important to not miss a day of this regiment, and possibly take booster licks each daily hour when you have twitter on.”
This policy has gained praise from Dr. Anthony Fauci, Bonnie Henry, Teresa Tam and many other authoritar…err…health authorities world wide.
The WHO has officially declared it “The Science Not To Be Questioned.”
ALBANY, NY – In a statement to the press, Cuomo decided to clear the record after the latest woman came forward, saying “It was horrible, he grabbed and held and kissed me, but worse, the smell of garlic, the greasy skin.”
“I beg to differ,” Cuomo said in his statement, “I may have smelled of dried garlic trapped in the throat, but I was not harassing her.”
He continued stating that his desire in grabbing her was not a kiss but an attempt to share bodily warmth.
“Albany gets very cold,” said Cuomo, “I wanted to keep her warm, I was told it was warmer with my pants down.” Despite not asked or accused about his pants.
Bill Clinton weighed in by calling Cuomo a lightweight, and said that he’d be laughed at in Arkansas. “It’s no bimbo eruption,” said Bill Clinton. He also noted that, as unpleasant it is to have this stuff get out about you, it’s a great distraction from the stuff you don’t want said, like Prisoner Blood Donors and Narcotic Landing Strips, or Cuomo’s case Elderly Deaths.
GOTHAMCITY – The Riddler, Edward Nigma hit a major snag starting a twitter account. Instantly being accused of racism a later deleted riddle.
“I thought Enig would appeal to the younger crowds,” he said, “I thought these people would make good henchmen, but they just accuse me,” in an exclusive interview with Huffinglue Post. “Isn’t “@Eniggah” hip”?
The worst thing is our era Batman has to take him in for an offensive social media, due to a new Gotham statute.
“Last time I take the Joker’s advice on anything!” he shouts into the air.
Luckily by recent comic law, only a black transexual batman can take him in, and that’s not coming for weeks.
He ended the interview saying, “that he was better off being beaten by Batman than spending 2 minutes saying the wrong thing on twitter.”
CHEKMARX, GB – In a recent announcement, Jodie Whittaker, known mostly for playing Fred on Nickelodeon annoying Rocko’s Modern Life fans waiting to watch something less annoying, said she will no longer be playing “The Doctor” on the BBC’s, Titanic Show, Doctor Who.
This Doctor’s attire would be best described as a woman on laundry day and act like a boring white bread feminist imitating David Tennant facial ticks.
The show has gone down hill while rewriting lore and checking boxes in a show about a Classic Liberal time traveler, despite viewers not giving a damn about checking boxes, and some being quite awake to baiting.
Additions made in recent time was Jon Pertwee’s Spearhead adventure being totally replaced by ironically might be Forest Whittaker in drag and a beloved negative Bisexual Stereotype who is accused of literally enjoying throwing his dick around on set.
Jodie Whittaker, made a statement that went like this, “Nah, oh hash a been dah, goo jobe, but ei…” it’s all Biden to me, but It sounds like she’s out.
Also someone named Chinballs or Chibnail or Chibsomething is leaving as well. Who care’s he looks gross.
Doctor Who made great strides in the 1980s with the first openly Disco Queen, John Nathan Turner took over without Barry Letts to keep an eye on him and the first feminine Doctor was hired.
MELBOURNE, ‘STRALIA – Lord Mayor Sally Capp stated that scenes going around the world regarding police aggressive treatment of civilians and over reaction to a disease is “absolute nonsense,” she said over plate of vegemite, “we are merely cosplaying,” talking like someone in a prison caught threatening another prisoner.
She stated that Melbourne is a huge fan of the Slider’s Episode, Q World and it was just a city wide cosplay event.
No need to worry about anything, “just a big nothin,” she said.
BAYAREA, CA – AOC took a trip to meet her biggest supporters on the internet, bots and sock puppet accounts. As seen in the picture above.
In this conference of bits and bites and those who identify as blockchain and transnodes, “transnodes are nodes,” they process loud.
All the Zeroes and Ones shuttering at the thought of Capitalism, as AOC stated, “I hate all cap typing!” He demanded congress end Capitalism with a Nationwide ban on caps-lock keys.
Also intended for the bill was her desire to have anyone typing on social media with all caps be “banned and arrested.”
All the machines were running hot and she interpreted the CPU fan sounds as cheers and ran back to the Airport to return to Congress and formalize the bill.
SALTLAKECITY, UT – In reaction to references to Kyle Rittenhouse and Elijah Schaffer’s comment about drinking the “Best Coffee,” CIA Contractor, Evan Hafer, CEO of Black Rifle Coffee and his VP Mat Best, known as the Pete Best of Coffee, knew what they had to do.
Damage control. Hitting several nerves with their major customer base was just the beginning, they had to prove they felt horrible about the incident where a young man blew away Skinhead, Joseph Rosenbaum, to show they aren’t the bad people they thought their customer base and advertising targets were.
“The true hero is Rosenbaum,” said best, “What state Black Lives Matter than a big bald white guy with a German Name?”
This statement gave birth to the new RIP Brew where they showcase Rittenhouse’s victim on the bag.
The bold progressive move is bound to get one everyone’s good side as they mark a new business path of hating your customers that worked so well this past 10 years.
KEYLARGO, FL – In recent days the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus or Choir has gone nuclear by threatening to “Go after your children,” and openly stating an “agenda” while saying it’s a subtle attempt.
This has made a surge of popularity and openness towards homophobia. People are scared shitless, pushing the breaks down and hitting reverse on progress.
[John] Calvin Thomas, 80s and 90s Moral Majority leader is thrilled, “I just burned a gay man in the middle of a public street and people cheered,” he said, “I wish the Witches made a video like this…..old times.”
“This was a gift from God, halll-uh-u-yah!” said Jerry Falwell Jr, “soon we will ban their marriages.”
Gay Bashing Pro Sports leagues have started up. The Republican Party has put the word Fag back in it’s platform.
There is no telling how far this will get, according to Thomas, they may change the date, in legislation, to 1950 “when” they take congress.
COWESSESFIRSTNATION, SASK – Justin Trudeau arrives at the site of 751 unmarked graves and kneels with a teddy bear and flower in what cynics have labelled a pose for a photo.
When asked Trudeau made clear, “I just happened by this event while searching for missing aboriginal women,” with an odd wink.
Justin Trudeau had promised years ago to get to the bottom of this mystery and hasn’t yet gotten there.
“I feel very close,” he said, “A few majority Governments for the Liberals and we might find them.”
Trudeau scoffs at the notion he’s just drumming up support for a possible, maybe, potential early election, while a few key provinces are still locked up.
LONDON, ENG – England’s challenge with Denmark was a staggering 1-0 and later it was equalized however that was far from a turning point. England would see victory.
Later into extra time, Raheem Sterling did a superb dive into the penalty area with all officiators holding a 10 sign.
This would lead to the final ascent for England, as Kane’s blocked penalty shot is bounced off the keeper and slammed back in.
Coach Gareth Southgate was so impressed he got Sterling a new diving board for his next battle against Italy, in fact it was made in Brasil by Umbro. A country known for it’s diving champs.
“He dieserves it, he does, he’ll be our ace in the hole, he will,” said Southgate to a press conference. UEFA is looking to give him the Gold Diver Trophy at the end of the Euro Cup tournament.
NORWALK, CT – In a surprise announcement Pepperidge Farms announced a new venture into the tech industry. What one might ask? A VPN, a Virtual Private Network keeps other companies from seeing your private information, allows your guard to be lowered and only you and the VPN knows anything. Or who ever runs the Pegasus Software you downloaded.
“This was perfect,” said a CEO of PF Technologies, Jami Berry, who continued, “Only a VPN remembers and Pepperidge Farm Remembers, everything…”
He has promised with a pinky swear that no one could ever be blackmailed by a VPN Company, even know we didn’t ask.
SANFRANCISCO, CA – San Francisco Pride has had many plans, over the years, for expanding the family friendly nature of Pride Festivities. Latex Horse Rides, Balloon Pop Fet Events, and Stripper Pole Rides for Drag Kids.
The newest ride is the “Child Sex Dungeon Ride” aimed at broadening the minds of young children with LGBT* and open minded ally parents.
“We hope to see kids of all ages enjoying all the kinks, they can handle it,” said Senior Pride Carney, Juwana Childs pronouns They/Them, who goes on, “We have all the fun games from Electric Zaps to Leather and Latex Toys. Oh the kids really love the James Deen Rope Ride.”
“Inclusivity, means kids as well,” included Juwana, “Pride will never be the same.”
OTTAWA, ON – On a close reading of Bill C-36 something was discovered, a specified amendment states that Rebel Reporter, David Menzies’ specifically must change his name to something without any gender reference. Even offering some suggestions, Personzies to Zygotzies.
In expectation for a reaction of protest by Rebel News, many people have already squatted potential domains that will be desired for their petitions or crowd funding operations.
We will claim to have reached out for comment to no avail.
Other changes required will be changing Men’s Room to Rape Room and Man Hole to Glory Hole.
Sperm will become Gender Fluid.
SANMARXISCO, CA – What is East Germany some youngster may ask a boomer or Xer, well I’ll tell you, and this is totally not propaganda at all. East Germany was this wondrous Marxist land where everyone was equal no one ever died young and the sweetest gum drops grew on trees like fruit.
In fact it was so progressive it had an army of Transwomen who were totally not cheating the Swim meets at the Olympics and were chased out by Transphobic Capitalist pigs, who didn’t understand the need to let these women be who they were.
I really need to stress, these were true females, not the ones you see everyday competing under a social construct of “womanhood,” like you need a period from 12-60 in order to be a female.
Oh I’d like to ask, if you believe that please click on my virtual earth link and buy up some fake land. It helps me spread the truth of Marxism. Or I’m stuck being poor and nailed to reality.
Remember hashtag “GiveTheGoldBack,” and let those brave ladies be champions again.
NONIG, RI – Senator Whitehouse has caught fire for being caught with an all white beach club, after demanding an end to systematic racism.
When reached for comment, he said, “It’s a tradition in Rhode Island, much like our monthly Klan Socials,” he said, “Would you end those?” “It’s a system and we are dragging our feet to further inviting our one black novelty friend to special events.”
His wife and their families hold a hug steak in the club and his wife made clear, “Progress that is slow, even 4 years of seemingly nothing, can still be progress, because we take one minute in one meeting a year discussing the issue.” she goes on, “We might even hold a vote in a few years.”
Only last year they removed the first “No Niggers Allowed” Sign, they figured no one would see over the shark filled moat.
AMSTERDAM, NL – After the triumphant win of 3-2 against Ukrain, the Nederlander fans pulled out shouting “Oranje!” and through bricks into stores and the Van Gough Museum, as is tradition.
The mostly peaceful, fully drunken celebration was larger, even beating all their curfew and lockdown events.
“HUP! HUP! HUP! Warrrrffffff…..” said celebrator so drunk he bricked the ground and passed out in a pool of vomit.
The Beautiful Game is clearly having it’s fair share of biproduct.
We would like to stress at the Huffinglue Post, this Celebration was Mostly Peaceful.
WASHINGTON, DC – In an outrage Senator Elizabeth Warren demanded something be done by the environmental hazard caused by bitcoin miners, most of which function under the Chinese Government. Warren was concerned the US might catch up to China sucking unrenewable power.
To act they called in Walter Peck, of the EPA, to investigate with a sterling record of causing no devastation in trying to protect the world from new innovative businesses.
In the days of his investigation, which just contains having people with no knowledge of the machinery shut down the machinery, there have been several melt downs. This is odd since, there is absolutely no Nuclear core in Bitminers.
“These are the growing pains,” say Peck, “I totally blame the light touch China had with Hong Kong for these potentially dangerous sheet metal caged devices.”
Naturally if these devices never existed he wouldn’t have to shut them down.
INVERTABRAE, DC – Experts foreseeing a loss of mass Cicadas from Brood X as late as July 17th are scrambling to decide what we should eat.
Many experts have suggested the Zombie Snail, claiming not only does it have protein but something unique inside that will add to it’s flavor. “You got to get them before their usual predators do,” said chief anonymous source at the Dept of Invertebrate Studies.
Some say this is a solid replacement for a large steak, however some elected politicians worry that they may seek larger invertebrates.
“We don’t need them swarming Congress again, seeking a larger meal,” said Nancy Pelosi, “There has to be better solution that doesn’t put us at risk again.”
When asked where to find them, the expert explains that he isn’t an expert in Geography.
GRANDIOSA, GUATEMALA – In a tactless display and in one of the worst months to offend fruits, Kamala Harris stuck her foot in her mouth. In her speech at Guatemala, she stated, “And I want to emphasize that the goal of our work is to help Guatemalans find hope at home, at the same time I want to be clear to folks in this region who are thinking about making that dangerous trek to the United States-Mexico border … Do not come. Do not come.” Continued, “The United States will continue to enforce our laws and secure our border. There are legal methods by which migration can and should occur. But we, as one of our priorities, will discourage illegal migration. And I believe, if you come to our border, you will be turned back. So let’s discourage our friends, our neighbors, our family members, from embarking on what is otherwise an extremely dangerous journey. Where in large part the only people who benefit are chayotes.”
“We never benefit from moving them across any border,” said a Chayote seen hanging off a plant, “if anything they savagely eat us on the way.” The National Association For The Advancement of Chayote Produce has demanded a huge apology from Harris, who they feel made them a scapegoat to distract from her telling people Trump was right.
BLUEISLAND – Blue, of Blue’s Clues, has a warrant for his arrest, issued by the Department of Defense after discovering a secret Island just off of Florida. The Island was discovered after a long interrogation of Bert, of Sesame Street, at the Hoover building in Washington, DC.
According to sources in the FBI Bert spilled the beans after they discovered some damning evidence over at something called Fractal Cow.
There will be a 50 State and Territory Hunt for Blue, enlisting his old rival Clifford as a hunting dog. McGruff is also helping out.
On the Island they discovered hundreds of videos of under age children who were male, female and also labelled trans. A manifest was also there mentioning public figures like Elmo, Mickey Mouse, and who the FBI are quoted as saying “Not Hunter Biden.”
CLUBMEDIC, CARIBBEAN – In a free vacation thrown by a Pharmaceutical company, to their best sales people in the medical profession and Political Medical Authority Industry, announced a follow up to PrEP.
“PrEPth, will bring all the over confidence of PrEP with the thrill of every day club grade Meth,” said the Chief of Medical Vacations and Shuffle Board. When asked about side effects, the Doctors were instructed to spin the side effect as a “Good Time,”
They have stated the need for this product came out when it was discovered that ‘those people were more eager to not jump on every dirty dick rather than buy PrEP,” in the insert. It continues the one thing they did think they knew was the love of doing Meth.
JARIYATWASHAJAEA, SAUDIARABIA – In a bold and brave movement, the Arabian Olympic Games got a slew of US Sponsors. From the NBA to Square Enix, trying desperately to show their progressive Islamo-Inclusion.
The Games are toted as being mostly gay-inclusive. There is a Drag Race, where a Gay Man is attached to a string. A diving sport from a tall building. Some where Lesbians catch stones.
“We are proud to endorse this event,” said the US Global Sports Initiative President, No Homo, at least what he introduced himself as throughout town, “anyone who would question our tolerance is purely Islamaphobic.”
They have counted this as one of their many Pride Month events on their calendar.
NEOBUDAISLE – Pictures arose recently that current Midgar villager and previous Neo Buda Island villager, Del, was the originator COVID19. Inside his home are visuals of various lab equipment and a drum with a toxic substances.
The humanoid villager of Neo Buda said there was no sign of anything happening, it might have been before he came and Jorge of Midgar said it was before he moved.
Del was reached for comment, and all he would say alluded to China’s ban on the Animal Crossing made it impossible for anyone to see clear proof of where and when he did anything.
Del’s timing co-insides with his own opportunity to be in the game itself for that period.
ATLANTA, GA – In concern for all the fecal matter than escapes during daily political speeches, and not COVID, the CDC has encouraged Politicians, high level civil servants, and many major celebrities to keep the mask on.
“Yes, it is diaper, at least in their case,” said CDC Director Rochelle P. Walensky, “it’s unsafe for all that crap to get into the air we breath.”
The greatest concern, however is that these people also know to change their mask, some research has shown they can fill it within half a political statement. Lebron James himself went into overflow just saying the name “Ma’Khia Bryant.”
Concerns include the range of Throat Cancer to Sepsis to Diaper Rash.
Biden has been warned many times, like when he turned a Blonde into a Brunette while sniffing her hair.
TELAVIV, ISRAEL – Reuven Rivlin and Benjamin Netanyahu announced the opening of a new twitch channel called Israel4SIMPS in hopes to entice more foreign aid from Nations.
“We are promising more sultry enticements,” said President Rivlin, “Probably with Hot Tubbing Women In, male, Orthodox Jewish robes and hats.”
Other exciting additions will be promises of old sex reels of Golda Meir plus maybe gaming with a knock off Super Mario Brothers, Super Bibi Brothers, with Arabs in place of Goombas.
They hope that they can rack in the billions of foreign aid with their live streams from Nations, even virtue signaling conservatives.
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