DETROITRUINS, MI – In a surprise to many, many vote tabulations were discovered to be wrong after a closer look was taken at a machine’s software. “When we saw it was developed by Ubisoft we knew there was a glitch” said the Election Commissioner in apologetic haste, “Instantly we had to check for errors in the count.”
Ubisoft, famous for it’s addition of glitches to much of it’s software as feature, most famously called the “Sequence 7” factor.
Most ironically the feature in this case would aide the party established by the American Rite. Sometimes protagonist, sometimes antagonist in a game series they produce.
Democrats dispute the need to investigate any irregularities until it benefits Trump or Jorgensen.
WOKINTON, CA – In a bold and honest move, after speaking to the US Senate known for passing little to no free speech legislation, Twitter Head, otherwise known as Jack, announced a rebranding of Twitter.
“Welcome to Cyberia,” said Jack, soon to be located at cyberia.academy and cyberia.media. New features will require all users not to just obey a litany of speech restrictions, but will also include punishments in the data mines for even questioning their authority. Rules will be arbitrarily added as people flag new offenses.
In loo of the announcement, a new logo was unveiled. They also expect, in future DoD contracts, they will be in a position to include offline dissidents and mask protesters to their re-education mandate expands.
“As we plot a new blue wave,” said Jack, “and shadow ban #VoteGold options,” he continued, “we can assure many future contracts.”
Stock has dropped during announcement, experts say it’s a vast right wing conspiracy to deny Jack his power.
VICTORIASWAMP, BC – In a cunning move by John Horgan and the BC NDP (aka Vision Vancouver), a rushed election giving one party the heads up and making it impossible for oppositions to organize and COVID19 excuses to have no one meet face to face has lead to a coup of a Projected Majority Win for Black Pill in BC.
“I am so pleased that disenfranchisement is at all time high,” said Black Pill, “I would like to thank this brilliant, shady, and cynical move by John Horgan for this victory.
If BC will recover after renamed the People’s Republic of BC? Only time will tell.
WASHINGTON, DC – As Trump gets rushed to the Hospital, Alexander Haig rised from the grave to declare himself President.
“I’m the President,” he said while feasting on a brain.
Many Democrats and Mitt Romney came out in tremendous favor of his claim, but many are skeptical about his latest take on the rules of succession.
“The difficulty lies in finding Pence,” said a source close to the President, “He may be hiding as this could be a sign of the End.”
The claim didn’t last to long as he found himself in the centre of politicians desiring to eat brains, and nothing proved good enough to keep him alive.
Haig, while alive, and not undead, once declared himself President after Ronald Wilson Reagan was shot and VP George Bush was flying back to Washington.
LOSXNGELES, CXLIFORNIX – On a Regional Antagonistic Gynocentrist convention. Feminists all got together to discuss revising into the new 5th wave, since the 4th worked out so well.
In the convention they suddenly abolished the “vote with your pussy law,” due to it’s impact on Biden.
“The law Governing Womxn voting was never meant for the likes of Jo Jorgensen,” said Pxtricix Gxndy, “It was meant to be beneficial to Womxn Candidates who fit our needs, like Biden fits them.”
When pointing out he wasn’t a Womxn, she said it wasn’t her point, started crying, and yelled something about not needing someone to fix her problems. Pxt was the heading the convention.
She did say the move was temporary and that the law will renew if Kamala Harris runs for re-election.
SACLESSMENTO, CA – In a strike of pen Gov. Gavin Newsom signs a bill requiring all people who plan to purposely infecting partners with aids, with or without knowing, to ware a mask.
“This will be a great day in history, as I with the strike of my pen, begin the end for a virus,” stated Newsom at the signing.
The National College of TV and Media Surgeons praise this event. Spokesman for the group said, “Newsom is on the way to being President, doing what Trump never had the courage to do.”
When CNN and MSNBC questioned the move Newsom quickly pulled out his car keys and dangled it over them, totally ending the question portion of the signing event.
MONZA, ITALY – After several generations of running Williams into well oiled driver demoralization machine, Frank Williams called it quits and sold his Formula One Team.
“It was time I moved on, I have an interesting side venture funerals to consider,” said Williams before ordering 10 of his teams crew “exterminated” for lack luster performance.
He plans to take some time off and explore ways to get back somewhere he wished not to mention. Referring to a trick decades ago that got him stuck on “this rock,” a metaphor he wouldn’t be probed for if I knew what was good for me.
Then there was some mad rant, and he fell asleep, and the news reporters snuck out, 4 out of 10 surviving.
DYNOMIGH, SWEEDEN – Nobel Peace Prize has been renamed the Nobel Participation Prize shortly after the Nomination of Donald Trump. Why, well it was considered a while ago but such honesty would have been impossible when Obama was announced the winner of the coveted paper weight.
“We can finally do it because Twitter approves,” said Nobel Marketing Consultant, Jan DeLeir, “People will rise up as we treat the Nobel Peace Prize like a frat dog party.”
The Nobel prize of Peace has been given to many noted Terrorists, Dictators and Drone Enthusiasts in the past, including Author Al Gore, who’s book caused such bad boredom that thousands died.
BAHRAIN – After signing a monumental historic foreign aide offer, Bahrain’s King and Israel’s Prime Minister, and Self Proclaimed Pope of Jews, hugged and kissed and went back to Bahrain from Washington where they enjoyed some sport.
They went to the top of Bahrain’s tallest hotel and tossed homosexuals and even Bisexuals off the top of it in Celebration.
“This is a wonderful custom,” said Benjamin Netanyahu, “Thanks to Trump, Jews can come here and have this sort of fun as well.”
King Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa had also noted that he expects to offer Israel an invitation to compete in the Arabian World Cup of Gay Tossing.
Lets not allow this to distract anyone from this wonderful understanding between the faiths and regions not known since a Canaanite’s Son Decided to take Zarathustran statements into a Temple and toss out the lenders.
EPSTEIN, DELAWARE – VIA Zoom Conference, Head of Netflix Programming, Roman Polanski, announced a new series staring the blonde from Cuties.
Debbie Does High School, a series that Polanski said “will sexually liberate children of all walks of life.”
The story starts as a curious girl joins School, becomes a Cheerleader and goes to war with her inhibitions.
Netflix expects a rousing success, and if that fails, they can always blame racism, misogyny, or a new marketable accusation.
They expect a December 6th release and that’s not all that will release.
Despite already being cast, Netflix is still seeing over 600 12 and 11 year olds for this role and others.
Also coming to Netflix will be something called “Megan’s Law” everyone in the Netflix HQ keeps talking about it.
BUGGERUNDY, FRANCE – A stunning move, Netflix, in a press conference last night, announced their new Head of Programming. None other than famed Director, Actor, and Fugitive, Roman Polanski.
When asked why, Netflix spokesman, Joan Hushmony (She/Her), a Brave Transwoman, said, “We are encouraging a progressive future in this company, where people like Roman can help others create without outdated concepts of consent age.”
The director plans on a whole load of projects to be green lit, including, a Gilligan Inspired Sitcom based on Epstein Island.
“Let loose, your inhibitions,” said Polanski, in his speech to the press, went on, “we do not need to, uh, be limited by our age, denying sex to children, plain ageism.”
A bigot from both the Daily Caller and Reason Magazine died of dehydration after filling up sick bags during his full Trailer of Green Lit Productions.
SWAMPSIDE, WASHINGTON, DC – At a K-Street Pub, Team Biden is aching with expectations as new poll numbers come in, and I scramble for verbose alliteration. Suddenly, the Shay Dee Polling Company comes through.
Polls are revealed, they show Biden will win 95% of votes from people named “To Occupant,” all expecting to get ballots by the millions. Maybe tens of millions.
“This is our target demo!” yelled Biden sounding a lot like Kamala Harris, but his mouth was moving, so we assume. He continues, by saying, “we need to energize this vote!”
Trump supporters claim it isn’t a name, but clearly this is a racist assumption, that it isn’t Sumalian or something like that.
NY RUINS, NY – In a fit of disappointment and awe that left wing policies failed many big cities and blue states, a new exodus of it’s wealthiest supporters have bailed in a promise to restart and apply it properly.
“Socialism is fine,” said Alistair Grimes the 3rd, a 4th Generation Millionaire, “It limits new wealth, keeps the clubs clean,” he went on.
He continued on pointing out that they will apply it properly eventually, and that “If everything is bigger in Texas, so will Socialist Success.”
Hundreds of wealthy pilgrims are headed to uncivilized Red States with the promise of free stuff to bravely spread.
ZOOM, WI – Despite Wisconsin opening up, in a feet of courage they chose to all hide from a potential sequel to the Chicago Seven, by announcing heavy handed policing expert, Kamala Harris, as their VP, all done in proper Intersectional Ceremony seen in the image above.
“Nothing says progressive, than arresting parents who’s kids refuse to attend their indoctrination,” said a man in shadowy Robe. “Anyone who won’t vote for a man who pushed drug war laws and a woman who enforced them is a racist,” he went on.
This was all we got when a white man told our stringer to leave because he was too white, cis, and male. Which we praise.
We Endorse Joe Biden, if you HuffGlu, you will vote for Biden.
STATLIEGH, VA – In a new Shay Dee/Strawman Poll, done by John Dee, Lana Shay, and Jack Strawman’s company have shown a strong pull towards Biden. “We asked the usual question,” said Shay, “Where you going to vote for Biden, Get a Call from ANTIFA, or Throw Away Your Vote?”
“A resounding 90% chose not to be doxed, showing Biden chance to win by a landslide,” said Dee. “We took a slightly different method, we asked if you were A Racist and 95% said they would vote for Biden.”
When asked if how they knew they were able to vote, were likely to vote, where even citizens, they all pointed to a crystal ball.
GLOBALPALACE, WA – Bill Gates announced that experiments in the COVID19 Vaccine are not only going great, they expect quality of not just Windows 95 levels, but XP. “It will be the Internet Explorer of Medical Breakthroughs,” stated the Billionaire that Kept Apple in Business crashing PCs.
The test subjects are all members of the former BeOS development team.
So far they are reporting only 90% crashes, as Gates refers to the loss of human life.
MOUTHPEACERIVER, BC – The BC Government had made a bold move in hiring Bonnie Henry. So far she has told you to respect each other’s space, well says “keep a distance,” so without a polite tone, which means “no close talking,” and rudely surprising people with hugs. She has told people to wash their hands.
Basically she has shared vital information people should have learned by age of 5. The Minister heading out this office of Medical Busy Bodies, is Adrian Dix, who said, “It should be clear it’s been NDP Policy to treat adults like Children,” and went on to explain his plans to introduce speeches that “get us all to put our hands on the table,” and introduce a police force that will “smell your hands after you go to the bathroom and before dinner.”
Critics say this is just a literal attempt at a nanny state, but how could anyone really come to that conclusion unless they are partisan BC Liberals, who sit aside quietly as a vicious official opposition.
WEINSTEINVANIA, CA – In reaction a fears to the hashtag #oscarstoowhitecismalewhodonotagreewithme, the Oscars discovered a new way to have more inclusive ceremony in 2021. Not only will it have a telecast array of all the people they lost to sex convictions in 2020, but it will make sure all people will be able to get a reward.
The new Oscar Participation award will go to all people not cis, male or white for all rewards and extending such a prize to that friend you knew had that extra job because he thought it would be neat.
“No one will need to feel excluded,” said Pam Darhing, “Everyone will qualify for our month long ceremony, unless they are writers.”
“Never has there been more inclusivity and progress,” said self appointed BLM spokesman and ANTIFA “persuader” Al Biño. Surprisingly he went on with more demands, he plans to present at the next Apology Awards.
PLEASANTVILLE, MA – In a feet of brilliant planning the Flat Earth Society managed to convince American leftists to support their cause against Christopher “Colombo” Columbus, who believed he’d land India by moving west and taking blame for Isabelle’s top military geniuses. Not to mention taking credit for what Amerigo Vespussi and Father Brennan and Eric the Red discovered with no intent to find something else.
“It was an evil plot,” said Flat Earth society spokesman, Gulli Bell Swift, “No, not the rape and murder,” he continues, “Columbus sought to lie about the world we live in being a Sphere, and not a magical party board.” When asked about the Columbus Statues, he said, “We may seem crazy, but we perfectly fit this attack on the statues perfectly into the narrative of police brutality, just a simple as shouting something loud and claiming he once used the ok hand gesture.”
Future plans, include renaming Columbus, Ohio, FlatEarth, OH. Just the imagination you expect from such a society.
MIENIBRAEN, MI – Many people will be wondering, what they do, with business’ burned down, despite an open police force, and through COVID shut downs, but now another industry is under threat. Donut Shops.
“What will we do, without our number one customers, some of us opened for 24 hours because they never leave,” said Donut Industry spokesman, Who rather not be named, and known as a police sympathizer, as honest journalistic industry members, we will not publish it here, but where it’s safe to Dox cop lovers, on Twitter.
He said that many Donut stores will close due to Defunding, Abolition and Blue Flu. Unable to compete for any other fat slobish out of shape American markets.
Bagel Stores have been shut down in NY, but that’s just DeBlasio, being DeBlasio, finding a proper use for cops, meddlesome Jews who think they can just throw a party at a Cemetery any time they like.
Now despite that last line, we would like to share our undying unity with our partners in the main stream media, in support of Israel and Louis Farrakhan.
CHOMO, CA – Nickelodeon has unveiled a new character for it’s line up, to avoid clashes with the giant A-Sexual Lobby demanding representation. “We are looking forward to this all week,” said Nick Children’s Entertainment Executive Childs McLove, “We are so pleased to announce Luffabruce Tight-Thong, as our new LGT inclusive characters,” when asked why just LGT, he responded, “Who the fuck gives a shit about bisexuals!”
As you can see from the original illustration, he is going to be the gayest, most LGBT character since Master Cylinder, who chased after Felix the Cat only to get bashed for his advances in the old cartoons, at least by our modern moral standards of justice.
Nick expects this to satisfy all the concerns of the Plus community.
When asked, who would voice such a character, they said they thought Eddie Izzard was obvious.
QUEENSLIP, ONT – While in a debate, MacKay made things awkward as he texted Dr Lewis a Father’s Day message.
“As we pause and take the time to celebrate Father’s Day this weekend, I wish to take this opportunity to recognize that
you people usually don’t have fathers around and have to fill the void shaping minds and futures.
Watching my young son grow, learn and change a little more every day, I can’t help making this about myself, it can also be daunting to consider the immense and lifelong influence we have over our children, so try not to hit that crack pipe to hard. Our words, actions and examples greatly mould who they will become. We can only hope your children are never arrested on a narcotics rap.
From my family to yours, I hope you enjoy this special day with ‘hood, complete with lasting memories to be cherished.”
When asked later if he thought it may be condescending and patronizing, he ran and hid.
An Albino Anglo-Saxon protester, said “this was typical racism you’d expect” while cutting off a black woman trying to respond to my question about it.
The Conservative Party covered it, saying it was meant for Doug Ford.
CAPITALHILL, CHAZ – In a kneeling and rim job ceremony in CHAZ, spokes person for Wizards, Riley White said they were going to phase themselves out understanding that their name, itself, has caused great harm. “It reminds people of lynching,” said White, “How can we keep going with that as out emblem?”
Wizards came to this decision of ending themselves after they discovered their cleanse card had no effect on real life and twitter outrage mobs, given most were white as snow.
With Wizard’s of the Coast banned but Wizards of the Coast, will there be further secluded events in the shadows where people avoid getting laid? No one knows.
SPOTY-LIMEY-ON-THE-THAMES, UK – In a brave and bold move, Actor and audience lubrication, Daniel Radcliffe came out in defense of the theory that all human beings are Earth Worms. As shown in the image above.
In the latest of finger wags, he stated how much better he is than anyone who thinks otherwise, That there are no other truths, and one must be tolerant of this theory of the worm.
Many in outrage over this have gone suggest he go fuck himself on twitter, or what they call it “Tuesday,” or “all week,” but this was the whole point of his claims, everyone can go fuck themselves, there is no binary mating, there is no breeding system between two genders. There is no different genitalia, we are all self fucking Earthworms.
A theory posed by the Flat Earth Society Scientists, also known as the Harvard Department of Intersectionalist Studies.
COWARING, AMERICA – If you came here from BlueBueBrutalityMatters dot com you came here to see another Corporation after spending years of tired service supporting people like Michael Bloomberg, Kamala Harris, and ignoring Stop and Frisk and locking up Parents for Truancy, only to be told because of this George…uh…whats his name…Foy? Foyd? Well he doesn’t matter, just burn it all down, just don’t hurt us at HuffGlu, not in the face at least, I need to look like a pretty lily.
Yes, we gave some small lip service to some events, but lets be serious we just wanted to put slave labor made shoes on an over rated ball player, but now you can trust that we truly care.
But if you want something that did care always check out Professional Bully because #BlueBrutalityMatters
NOTAUGUST, FL – In a bold move, Libertarian Espionage Advocate, Jo Jorgensen was nominate in a Virtual Nomination Vote, fast tracked before the August 1st 2020 convention date. In celebration of the new reach out the most marginalized community, the Intelligence community, the Libertarian Party unveiled it’s new logo.
“We have been called liars, sneaks and even spooks,” said Intelligence Agent, Johave Nohrit, said, “we protect people from knowing the horrible truth out there, have you seen what we spent, you can’t we classified it, there is not unclassified evidence we ever have done wrong, yet libertarians use to go at us.”
He went on describing Hornberger’s attacks in the last debate as bigoted towards the Espionage community.
Now, it seems the CIA and NSA have no hopes of gaining opposition from any presidential contender.
COAKHUFFA, CA – In a sudden reaction to Zack Snyder dangling shiny over the heads of fans, Character Gentrifier, Paul Feig called in an all media Bomb Threat, one he made in 2016 and made good on it.
“This time I am serious,” he said loudly, “It have extended the time the bomb will last, and the devastation it will bring.”
Authorities are not sure what his demands are, but rumors have it, he has demanded Paul Rudd get a sex change.
Some have even quoted the words “balls in a jar.”
LA Police are ready with bomb diffusing robots that were originally made in response to Water World.
AHKTION, SC – After the announcement by Joe Biden that being unsure as too who to vote for between he and Trump makes you unblack. Ranting on saying planning to vote for John Monds makes you Oriental. Pelosi decided to announce some tactful legislation from a South Carolina Plantation.
“This will appeal to all Black People,” said Pelosi, “It will officially forgive any black persons who changes their vote to black, regardless of Party affiliation.”
The bill titled, “The Crow Amnesty Bill,” said it will offer special incentives to vote the right way for your race. But will not be imposed on white Americans yet. The bill also offers jobs to the many black supporters that they expect to volunteer at the South Carolina Plantation as seen behind Rep. Pelosi in the picture above.
A factory for will employ Blacks to freely make bumper stickers for Democrats at least until China is freed up for business.
It also promises only Democratic black voters will be safe from DWB tickets and will be forgiven all past DWB fines.
HUFFLGLUOFFICES – In a sad situation, as some may notice there have been less posts over the last while, Huffinglue Post, has been for forced to fire hundreds of people over COVID19 economic shut downs.
“Sadly we were ready to sit down with their new Union,” said HR Director, Justin Li. Just went on and said “If it weren’t for COVID19, all are workers could be working from home today at their Union’s requested wages and insurance.”
When asked Li said there was no benefits package for these employees.
The Union has made millions in dues during negotiation and has yet disbanded.
“We just want to say thanks to all the first responders who are so much more essential than anyone else trying to feed their families,” Li said.
WHEREAMI, WI – During a ramble, on a Dairy Farm, he was wondering around on, Joe Biden announced that an Ice Creme Cone will be his VP, some think a pander to the Dairy, if he knew he was there. “I want to thank the great people of Kentucky,” he said to a field of Midwesterners. “I would like to take this time to tell you, where am I……uh….oh…yeah, my VP, see him, isn’t she sweet and delicious?” Not even sure weather he was speaking about Ice Creme or the Little Girl he took it from, the crowd stayed silent and slack jawed.
He then shouted how he “would rather vote for Joe Biden, than Joe Biden,” and that it was a “Time for a Change, and a powdering.”
Not to long a campaign Van showed up with some orderlies and brought him back to a safe place.
His top recent competitor for the nomination Corona “Carona” Virus said, he is hoping he can keep ahead just long enough for Joe to catch him.
WASHINGSWAMP, DC – Pence’s new task force has been scrambling the widely Christian old testament, to find a proper prayer that can cure COVID19. Sources, close to VP Mike Pence, who’s only Constitutional position is a tie breaking vote in the Senate, say he is getting desperate, almost to go as far as check the New Testament.
When we finally got through to him and asked if Science might have the answer, he said, “The Scientific Method is Catholic propaganda by the heathen Roger Bacon ,” and went on saying, “We can not allow such fallacy against God.” He spent ours ranting on how they should burn every copy of Opus Maius, Opus Minus, and Opus Tertiae.
“Prayer is the answer, and we will find this prayer,” said Pence spokesman, Holy R Thowe.
Question, remains, will they find the prayers soon enough?
SHANGHAI, CHINA – A sudden upsurge in deaths in China, due to the Corona Virus has begged many questions. Giving us answers is Dr. Xi No Kilme Plees, originally of Indonesia, with the World Health Organization, a subsidiary of the Shanghai Media Group.
When asked Doctor Xi No, what caused this upsurge, he plainly state they had found a new symptom.
“We took a closer look at many of these COVID cases in China, and discovered a unique new symptom,” and went on, “they all had bullets on their back.”
He says that anyone who thinks they might have bullets in their back, wash their hands, stay home, and for Goodness sake go to an Emergency Room near you.
When asked if these signs where encouraging, he said, “救救我，他們會殺了我！ 讓我擺脫困境 !”
He later suffered the similar symptoms.
NAMBLAVALLEY, CA – “We will not stand for hate, harassment, or hurtful words,” sites twitter’s Minister of Truth, who says her name is “Nonof Yobusiness,” voices as crack downs on blindly believed poorly researched post flags go on. “Someone was hurt by this,” she says.
When asked if the ACLU lawyer will be checked into, for trolling the site for kids, or #magalinks and open and out Pedophiles will be taken down, it has been made clear, “we support sexual diversity, and will not discriminate on sexual differences,” she goes on saying, “I have to fight hateful attempts at hurting feelings,” a full time job for sure. Twitter is for sure a safe place for anyone speaking freely what they are allowed to say, or above 18. We at the Mainstream Media, applaud this, I don’t even have to tell you how ABC feels about this.
WASHINSWAMP, DC – In hopes to remove the laser sight off her forehead, now former, Presidential Candidate, Tulsi Gabbard, has endorsed Biden over, Bernie, Trump, A Libertarian, Green, or Write-In.
In a speech, she announced that “Biden is the man,” while sweating and reading the speech, “I am totally saying this voluntarily,” she goes on eventually praising the war machine and how she totally misspoke when she opposed the Saudi arms deal.
She spoke against Trump trying to bring the troops home from Afghanistan, saying, “He made a deal with the Taliban, what they forget is it still a Trump deal with the Taliban, until a Democrat brings them home, they are not home!”
The integrity is totally consistent with how she reacted to the Bernie loss and endorsement of Hillary Clinton before. Anyone says other wise is a sexist racist transphobe and should be cancelled. Russian agents, all.
VANCOUVER, BC, CANADA – Worldwide stories of panic, end of days clearance sales, and death can’t keep Dr. Davi Staschen MD, head of Palliative Death at Vancouver General Hospital, happy. “All my clients are getting it from the Corona Virus, now,” he says, “Not only do I not get paid, but I don’t even get my usual sexual release.”
Dr Staschen, has been at VGH since the courts made it legal to apply what he called, his trade and fetish. He studied for years in Oregon University Medical School, which oddly enough only teaches euthanasia, and gained a taste for the career path, than went out to the Netherlands for a few years as a resident in Amsterdam.
“Why, must something so horrible happen to me?” he asked in tears.
This is a story seen all over the world the Angel Of Death practitioners are being sidelined by the dreaded Corona Virus everywhere we look, it became so bad, Italian MDs have actually engaged in mass self induced euthanasia.
When asked what he would do, Davi, as seen in the picture above, said he got an offer with the NBA but it looks like the Virus is after that job as well. VGH says, they will keep him on, just in case Gabor Mate writes another book.
TORTIMERISLE, JP – Kapp’n has been mysteriously missing from all the Animal Crossing: New Horizon videos. Could he have been cancelled amidst accusations of sexual assault, as seen in the above photo.
I am #metoo complaint from a Mayor in ACNL, who can’t be named by court order, stated “He…he…complimented how I looked!” “I was terrified,” she went on.
Kapp’n‘s Lawyer, has said that he denies the allegations of assault and that his family on Tortimer Island is being very supportive.
“It’s ridiculous, I love eating cucumbers, it wasn’t a metaphor for anything,” said Kapp’n in a letter to Huffinglue Post.
Nintendo was not available for comment.
CHICAGO, IL – In a bold announcement, Corona Virus has announced his Candidacy for the Democratic Nomination. In his speech, it announced promises like lower medical costs, less people on disability and a boost to retail sales.
When asked if that required the killing of thousands, he stated, “It’s still safer than Socialism,” and when asked why it joined the race, said, “well I have a feeling my competition will be dropping pretty soon.”
It expressed a great fondness for Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders, which somehow didn’t put them at ease, saying, “Hey we are all working for China, I just admit it.” When asked, “Can you beat Trump,” it responded that Trump is healthy, but he is the right age to be stopped dead in his tracks.
Both Democratic challengers the press bothers to cover said that it was an outrage that someone born in another country (China) would be able to share the stage, and demanded immediate deportation. When asked, Trump said, “It is the finest disease ever, since my Son.” In a later Press release Biden announced he was half Spirochetes. Some say it’s pandering, as Corona is said to be the Front Runner, as fresh and young. Given past speeches, Biden may actually be telling the truth.
BALONY-ON-THE-THAMES, ENGLAND, UK – In wake of angry Doctor Who complaints, in wake of the recent episode, where she still travels with a cop. Someone who clearly would beat down millions of people of color, if given a chance, as we in the Mainstream Media have shown true countlesly.
Despite complaints ranging from BLM concerns about cops being hailed to social justice fanaticism and intersexual themes, and likely complaints there have not being enough, and 4th Wave Feminist complaints about the Doctor being actually Gender Fluid or Trans and in opposition of the TERF school of Intersectionalism. Even Praise by a few people and so on all have the same articles and response e-mails from the BBC, “There Are No Macra.”
When asking Piers Wenger, BBC Head of Polisci (once called Drama), “He said there are no Macra, not even served in any sort of sticky sauces.”
“There are no Mao….Macra” he repeated again and again, up to news articles on their site, headline screen shot above.
Took a nap in the BBC Press room, and afterwards I see no reason to doubt Mr. Wenger. “There are no Macra, not even in sticky sauces. To think so is racist and sexist.”
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